Dear Author

Dear Author:

Thank you for considering me to be a possible book reviewer and CONGRATULATIONS for publishing a book. It does sound like a fun one but I must regrettably say no. I still have the last author’s book waiting for me to read and I sort of? maybe? said yes when he asked because I had actually met him – twice actually and enjoyed his debut novel – but here it is a few years (YEARS!) later and I still have yet to grab it and read it. I do know where on the shelf it sits. Sits glaring at me trying to get me to put it in front of the three book club books I must get through next, and the Twitter readalong book that I am hosting in October* – which I still don’t even have physically in the house (I seem to prefer physical books though my Kindle is loaded) but that’s OK since October is still a few weeks away. I really should request it at the library, now that I come to think of it.
I hope that this last sentence has convinced you that I am not worthy nor able in my scatter-brained way to commit to such a thing as review a non-requested pitched book which if you check again on my blog surely says that I rarely-to-never agree to do such things anyway. And please do not take offense that I say I prefer authors be dead already before I review their books because I hate to upset anyone if I didn’t like it. No, I think I took that off my About page, so never mind. And I really do hope my favorite authors stay alive because that would be just awful. Truly, tis the guilt that makes me say no, I would just feel miserable and I just know I would see a shiny new book pop up due to whatever it is that makes books popular. (I’ve avoided The Girl on the Train so far, I am actually proud to say.) But guilt! I read for fun, you know? I can’t handle the read-cuz-you-PROMISED-kind-of-reading, sadly. And then there was this really sweet author who I chatted with on Twitter and she commented on my blog a few times – we really interacted, ya know? and I still haven’t gotten to HER book and I really do want to. So many books!
Finally, and in more words than I expect you braved through, I must decline and again say I do appreciate you thinking of me and will go ahead an assume it is because I do do (yes, I said it that way and it just sounds right but likely is not ‘proper’) such an awesome job reviewing books. Did you notice that I DNF’d The Secret History?!** And she’s one talented author! oops, oh well. It happens. Hopefully, and I bet likely, she isn’t interested in me to review her books. I don’t wish her dead, of course.
BEST to you in your future endeavors, I’m sure the marketing piece of writing a book is hell, just sure of it. I hope your book is on goodreads – I just might tbr it which might garner you some attention. Really, no one reads my poor little blog anyway. Ok, then, noodles (I mean TOODLES!). Best of luck.
Care
loveCare
* I wrote this in mid-September 2015 in quick response to a rather charming book pitch email.
**  I ended up getting back to The Secret History and skimmed the middle 3/5ths and 4/5ths sections, listened to the last fifth and happily declared it be “Enough-Done-Read-To-Count”. It really was a mood thing; I would very much have enjoyed it if I had had no other pressing demands on my time at that moment. I would never wish an author dead. Never. But it’s true that dead-author books are much easier to review in terms of risking hurt feelings.
NOTE: I received a rather charming response to this email, too. I just might read the book. Alas, someday.

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10 thoughts on “Dear Author

  1. I LOVE it! I especially love that you actually sent it to an author and they replied! This message sums up exactly how I feel about accepting review copies *heads off to feel guilty about not being able to read a thousand books a day*

  2. Ah this wonderful! I get so many book pitches in my email every day that I have no time to reply to any of them. What gets me is those who take my nonresponse as a reason to email me several more times! As though their pestering is somehow going to convince me to change my mind. I understand how hard the whole book marketing thing is but like you, I did not start a book blog in order to get free books.

    1. I recall being STUNNED when the book-blogging craze REALLY hit to find out how many people DID – just for the free books! I think I’ve accepted 5 maybe? over the 7 years I’ve been doing this? (not counting free books from BEA, of course…which is slightly different, right? I still need to read ALL but one of these. That was 5 years ago.)

  3. You gave your “no thank you” much more time and attention than I normally give mine. I am the queen of “I appreciate the offer but am not interested at this time. Thanks!”

  4. Pingback: Five for Friday: Links of the Week, November 13 - The 3 R's: Reading, 'Riting, and RandomnessThe 3 R's: Reading, 'Riting, and Randomness

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